My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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