So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
