porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
