You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Randomize
