you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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