Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
