i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
