apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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