omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
