Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
