This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
