My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
