What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
