I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
