Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
