someone threw a dead crab at me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
