We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
