everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
