I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
