4 words: hood of his car
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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