i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
