I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
