haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
