were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
