I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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