Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
