Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
