why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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