dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Houston, we have a blender
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
