grandma shit on top of the toilet
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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