ugly people sure do ruin things
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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