If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
