oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
