We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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