You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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