you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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