saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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