I can't watch pbs sober anymore
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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