Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
