the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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