Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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