I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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