my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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