i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
