You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
