I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
