I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
