I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
