Im at strip club and am horny
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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