My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She bit a glass in half.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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