I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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