You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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