I accidentally had phone sex last night
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
