I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
