I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
