haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
