you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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