I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
