it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
